as a young girl, I was most often described as creative.
my first loves were books & music. I penned dozens of short stories about siamese cats & twins with purple eyes (named mandy & kelly. they went on lots of adventures). I begged my parents to let me stay up past my bedtime in the second grade so I could finish harry potter & the goblet of fire before my friend. I lost that competition by a matter of minutes, woof.
somewhere a binder floats around with sheets of lyrics and chords written for guitar about the preteen/teenage boys I liked and my dream of moving to nashville & making it like my girl tay. I toted that music to camp with me & strummed it on my target guitar to whomever would listen in my cabin. God bless those thirteen-year-olds who listened, for affirmation of creative gifts at that age is truly invaluable.
but somewhere between that stage of life & age twenty-one, I have stopped personally identifying with the characteristic of creativity. often I am still described as such, but a toxic combination of lies have infiltrated my work. a lifeless sense of duty paired with a toxic disbelief in the goodness of my calling have begun to seep into my life with a camera, and I know that is not what the Lord has in store for me, for my gifts are vital to the Kingdom (1 corinthians 12), and God intends for me to carry out His purposes with Joy, walking in a matter worthy of the calling (ephesians 4:1).
so tomorrow marks the beginning of the Lenten season as recognized by the Christian Church calendar, 40 days of somber & pensive preparation for the Feast of Easter. there is an opportunity ~ not a requisite ~ to participate with Christ in a sense of sacrifice during this season by "giving up" something. this act, this ritual can be abused, & I am humbled by these words from a gospel coalition article that read, "first, I would caution my friends who engage in Lenten practices to not give off the impression that their brothers and sisters who refrain are “missing out.” if a season of Lent were that important to spiritual growth, the apostles would have recommended it."
these acts of sacrifice, this fasting can make room for the Holy Spirit to enter in, to realign us, to order our desires around Christ in those areas of our life in which we may be worshipping other kingdoms. culminating in the uproarious celebration of Easter morn, we are reminded of the sweetness & satisfaction of the Lamb. in another Christian journalist's words, this is "a season of repentance, a time of dying to self that anticipates new life on the other side, just like the last days of winter anticipate the arrival of Spring."
so what does this have to do with my wrestling with photography and creativity? I believe that if I am to live as a broken woman who deeply knows the reality of Easter, my every calling, my every action should be humbly & joyfully given to the good of the world & in the sweeping Light of Christ.
so is my endeavor good? am I taking photos as a broken woman who deeply knows the reality of Easter? who knows that her Father is faithful, that He ordains her steps, that He loves her? who realizes that it is only as His image-bearer that she is able to create anything at all? that every act of beautiful creation is actually participating alongside the Trinity in the laborious redemption of the world?
I don't think I know these things.
I don't think I live them either.
& I desperately want to.
so for this season of Lent, I aim to be particularly attuned to the ways the Spirit can call me back to the Joy found in my creative gifts. the title of this post reads "intro." which means I'll be posting several more times about these same themes! the title of the post also echoes tim keller's every good endeavor, a book I believe will shape this time as well.
so practically, I will fast from instagram. this is not because I believe instagram as a thing is narcissistic or life-stealing or from the devil. the majority of my future professional life may very well utilize instagram to many good ends. but I believe that returning my photography passion to its roots means removing it from the potential approval of others. my insecurity in people pleasing, something that has developed since my last post, is often perpetuated when I use photography as a crutch. I want to please the Lord first, and I have not been doing that.
so I am also returning to my beloved 2011 project of taking at least one photo ~ with my "real" camera ~ every day. I won't be posting during lent but may choose to post on social media or on my photography blog afterwards.
I believe that these steps taken together will rejuvenate my thirst for creativity as a calling. this is ultimately intimately connected with our common calling to serve others & bring Life to this world, & it is my prayer that this season, by gifting me Rest & thoughtfulness, will ultimately contribute to a fuller picture of joyful kindness through photography & social media.
thrilled for you to walk through this with me in whatever capacity you'd like. I'll be praying for Lenten seasons that engrave the meaning of the Cross in our hearts. may the balm of Easter provide the sweetest of Comforts.
my first loves were books & music. I penned dozens of short stories about siamese cats & twins with purple eyes (named mandy & kelly. they went on lots of adventures). I begged my parents to let me stay up past my bedtime in the second grade so I could finish harry potter & the goblet of fire before my friend. I lost that competition by a matter of minutes, woof.
somewhere a binder floats around with sheets of lyrics and chords written for guitar about the preteen/teenage boys I liked and my dream of moving to nashville & making it like my girl tay. I toted that music to camp with me & strummed it on my target guitar to whomever would listen in my cabin. God bless those thirteen-year-olds who listened, for affirmation of creative gifts at that age is truly invaluable.
but somewhere between that stage of life & age twenty-one, I have stopped personally identifying with the characteristic of creativity. often I am still described as such, but a toxic combination of lies have infiltrated my work. a lifeless sense of duty paired with a toxic disbelief in the goodness of my calling have begun to seep into my life with a camera, and I know that is not what the Lord has in store for me, for my gifts are vital to the Kingdom (1 corinthians 12), and God intends for me to carry out His purposes with Joy, walking in a matter worthy of the calling (ephesians 4:1).
so tomorrow marks the beginning of the Lenten season as recognized by the Christian Church calendar, 40 days of somber & pensive preparation for the Feast of Easter. there is an opportunity ~ not a requisite ~ to participate with Christ in a sense of sacrifice during this season by "giving up" something. this act, this ritual can be abused, & I am humbled by these words from a gospel coalition article that read, "first, I would caution my friends who engage in Lenten practices to not give off the impression that their brothers and sisters who refrain are “missing out.” if a season of Lent were that important to spiritual growth, the apostles would have recommended it."
these acts of sacrifice, this fasting can make room for the Holy Spirit to enter in, to realign us, to order our desires around Christ in those areas of our life in which we may be worshipping other kingdoms. culminating in the uproarious celebration of Easter morn, we are reminded of the sweetness & satisfaction of the Lamb. in another Christian journalist's words, this is "a season of repentance, a time of dying to self that anticipates new life on the other side, just like the last days of winter anticipate the arrival of Spring."
so what does this have to do with my wrestling with photography and creativity? I believe that if I am to live as a broken woman who deeply knows the reality of Easter, my every calling, my every action should be humbly & joyfully given to the good of the world & in the sweeping Light of Christ.
so is my endeavor good? am I taking photos as a broken woman who deeply knows the reality of Easter? who knows that her Father is faithful, that He ordains her steps, that He loves her? who realizes that it is only as His image-bearer that she is able to create anything at all? that every act of beautiful creation is actually participating alongside the Trinity in the laborious redemption of the world?
I don't think I know these things.
I don't think I live them either.
& I desperately want to.
so for this season of Lent, I aim to be particularly attuned to the ways the Spirit can call me back to the Joy found in my creative gifts. the title of this post reads "intro." which means I'll be posting several more times about these same themes! the title of the post also echoes tim keller's every good endeavor, a book I believe will shape this time as well.
so practically, I will fast from instagram. this is not because I believe instagram as a thing is narcissistic or life-stealing or from the devil. the majority of my future professional life may very well utilize instagram to many good ends. but I believe that returning my photography passion to its roots means removing it from the potential approval of others. my insecurity in people pleasing, something that has developed since my last post, is often perpetuated when I use photography as a crutch. I want to please the Lord first, and I have not been doing that.
so I am also returning to my beloved 2011 project of taking at least one photo ~ with my "real" camera ~ every day. I won't be posting during lent but may choose to post on social media or on my photography blog afterwards.
I believe that these steps taken together will rejuvenate my thirst for creativity as a calling. this is ultimately intimately connected with our common calling to serve others & bring Life to this world, & it is my prayer that this season, by gifting me Rest & thoughtfulness, will ultimately contribute to a fuller picture of joyful kindness through photography & social media.
thrilled for you to walk through this with me in whatever capacity you'd like. I'll be praying for Lenten seasons that engrave the meaning of the Cross in our hearts. may the balm of Easter provide the sweetest of Comforts.